


And They Say Romance is Dead

by orphan_account



Series: Can't Catch a Break [2]
Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: I'm so sorry, M/M, drunk! Kuroha, really bad sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 17:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1696442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>…Except, maybe he still had one more chance. Out of everyone on campus, there was just one who had never cracked a single joke, had never laughed at him, and still didn’t fucking know what premature ejaculation was and kept asking him. Yes, of course! Konoha. He could have sex with Konoha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And They Say Romance is Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry
> 
> cross posted from my tumblr narcissistic-sassafras

Life sucked. A lot. And Kuroha was slowly coming to the sad, sad conclusion that no amount of alcohol was going to change that fact; eight beers later and he still felt like shit. Oh well. It had been worth a shot. 

This was all Shintaro’s fault, of course. If that asshole hadn’t gone and blabbed to the whole entire fucking school, then Kuroha wouldn’t have become a laughingstock. And he would be able to go a single goddamn day without being the butt of some unoriginal joke (by this point he’d heard them all. Every single one. There was not a single original joke going around campus. And if he heard the phrase ‘gotta go fast’ one more time…). But of course he couldn’t do anything about it: no one took him seriously now, so intimidation tactics didn’t work, and if he beat someone up he would probably be expelled (he’d already been threatened with expulsion several times. Apparently violence is bad. He had no idea.). So here he was, lying on the floor of his room, trying to drink his problems away. For all the good it was doing.

As far as he could tell, the alcohol was just making him think about it more, which was making it worse. God, he was never going to get laid again, was he? No one would sleep with him now. And the worse part was, he couldn’t really blame them. He wouldn’t sleep with himself either (or maybe he would. because he has the same problem, so it would balance out? maybe? so he was probably the only person he could actually fuck and wow maybe he should stop this train of thought before it got any further). Of course he’d only actually had sex once (and what a fucking disaster that was), but he’d always at least had the thought that he could probably go sleep with someone whenever. Now? Nothing. He could see nothing but a bleak, sexless future stretching before him, as far as the eye could see (which wasn’t terribly far. He was very drunk.). 

…Except, maybe he still had one more chance. Out of everyone on campus, there was just one who had never cracked a single joke, had never laughed at him, and still didn’t fucking know what premature ejaculation was and kept asking him. Yes, of course! Konoha. He could have sex with Konoha. (Something about that sentence should be setting off major warning bells. But Kuroha was very drunk. In fact, he hadn’t been this drunk since… Never. He had never been this drunk.) He couldn’t remember where Konoha’s room was, but he did have his number. God knows why. 

Kuroha groped around on the floor until he found his phone, then stared at it for ten minutes until he remembered how to turn it on. The display told him it was one o’clock in the morning. It was highly unlikely that Konoha was awake. He’d have to just blow up his phone and hope it woke him. 

**Kuroha**   
_r u awake_  
hey hey wake up  
wake uuuuuuuppppp  
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
helllllloooooooo  
rise and shine  
wake upppppp  
I need to talk to u its very imprtant  
importatn  
important  
heeeeeeeeeeeey  
Kooooonoooooohaaaaaaaaaa  
WAKE UPPPPPP 

**Konoha**   
_sorry_  
I’m awake.  
What is it?? 

Kuroha grinned triumphantly. It worked! Which led him to the question: now what? Should he just straight up ask for sex? …That would actually probably work. 

**Kuroha**   
_hey  
sleep with me_

**Konoha**   
_Um…  
In the same bed?_

**Kuroha**   
_yeah sure whatever  
after we have sex_

**Konoha**   
_We’re having sex??_

**Kuroha**   
_yes  
wheres your room again_

**Konoha**   
_Number 218  
Why are we having sex?_

**Kuroha**   
_because I said so_

This was all going much smoother than he had expected. Too smoothly. Something was bound to fuck up gloriously at this rate. 

**Konoha**   
_Shintaro says I’m not allowed to have sex._

**Kuroha**   
_fuck him you can do what you want_  
and what you want  
is to have sex with me 

**Konoha**   
_It is?  
This doesn’t seem like a very good idea._

**Kuroha**   
_shut up my ideas r great_  
I need to stick my dick in something ok  
hell I don’t even care at this point  
you can stick your dick in me it doesn’t matter  
just hve sex with me 

And there it was. Konoha was resisting. This wouldn’t do at all. He’d have to switch tactics; if demanding didn’t work, then he’d just have to make Konoha want to sleep with him. Which was easier said than done (did the guy even have a libido? Did he know anything about sex beyond high school sex ed?). This might call for drastic measures. Perhaps even the most drastic measure of all: swallowing his pride. (He did a quick bottle check. Was he drunk enough to beg? Nine and a half empty bottles. That’s pretty hammered. All right, he can do this.)

**Kuroha**   
_come on please_  
look I said please  
sleep with me 

**Konoha**   
_You’re acting strange.  
Are you okay?_

**Kuroha**   
_im fine_  
be better if I was fucking someone  
I can suck your dick first if you want 

**Konoha**   
_You don’t have to do that!!_

**Kuroha**  
 _are you sure_  
I don’t have a gag reflex ;)  
you don’t get oppurtunites like this every day you should really reconsider 

**Konoha**   
_What’s a gag reflex?_

**Kuroha**   
_oh my god really_  
it means I won’t choke when I’m sucking you off  
I’m gonna go to your room  
pleeeeeeease have sex w me 

He stood up slowly, took a minute to find his balance, and left his room. Number 218, right? That was… somewhere. He’d find it. Eventually. Might as well keep texting in the meantime.

**Konoha**   
_no don’t come here!_

**Kuroha**   
_too late_  
I’ve already left there’s no turninig back now  
man why are you so against this anyway  
don’t u like me 

**Konoha**   
_You’re acting strangely.  
This doesn’t seem right._

**Kuroha**   
_I told u I’m fine_  
do you not want me to fuck you or something  
I really am ok with you topping  
you can fuck me I don’t mind 

**Konoha**   
_Um!_

**Kuroha**   
_I’ll suck ur dick and then you can fuck me how’s that  
btw I found your room lemme in_

A shuffling sound could be heard from within, and then the door to Number 218 was opening and Konoha was giving him a very concerned look. “Ummm…” Kuroha ignored him and pushed his way into the room, heading straight for the bed. Konoha trailed him, looking very worried and making vaguely distressed noises. 

It wasn’t until he sat on the bed that Kuroha realized just how tired he was. Searching for the right room had really taken a lot out of him. Maybe he should take a quick nap, first. Konoha would understand, he slept all the time. He was dimly aware of Konoha saying something, and then he passed out.

The first thing Kuroha regretted the next morning was waking up. His head felt like someone had taken an ax to it, and his stomach was churning sickeningly in its desperate attempt to get him to throw up. He needed some aspirin, pronto. It wasn’t until he tried to get up to retrieve said aspirin that he realized he was not in his room, and someone was holding him close very tightly. After much squirming and maneuvering, he managed to slip out of the death grip he had been held in and discovered that his bedmate was Konoha (why the hell was he in Konoha’s room?).

The second thing Kuroha regretted the next morning was checking his phone. He had only been hoping to shed some light on his current situation, but he immediately regretted it upon reading the last message he sent. He went through all of them against his better judgment, growing increasingly horrified and embarrassed and ashamed.

Of course Konoha chose that moment to wake up, sitting up and blinking blearily before noticing Kuroha. “Oh, good morning… Um… Are you okay..?”

Kuroha panicked. “I-I’m fine! Um, I have to go!” He jumped up and ran out, only stopping when he was safely back in his own room. Hadn’t he decided earlier that he was never leaving this room? That was starting to seem like a great idea again. Maybe he should go flush his phone down the toilet, too. Obviously he couldn’t be trusted with it. 

But first, some aspirin.


End file.
